Cock Blocked By The ‘Peckers

Dear Ben Hughes [Manager, Marketing and Communications; Fayetteville Woodpeckers]:

I hope I have not offended thee in anyway, but I could not help notice last night that your organization, the Fayetteville Woodpeckers, blocked me on Twitter. My first reaction made me feel like when the University of Southern California cheerleader stood on my porch decades ago and told me she loved Jesus more than me, and we could not go forward. Really, after all the freaky stuff we have been through, you want to go this route? We’ve been to Paris, Switzerland, Munich, Austria, and throughout the continental United States together. Even Canada! I came to your park twice! My peeps sat in the Aevex Veterans’ Club and spent a small fortune. I even posed with Bunker!

My second reaction was man, there are some homeless folk in San Bernardino that are going to receive some ‘Peckers merchandise today. Some the shirts still have the price tags on them – hey, what is your return policy anyway? Instead of the ‘Peckers’ logo being displayed in front of prominent landmarks across the globe, it will be seen in the dumpsters in which the “G” Street Hobos forge for sustenance. It is a long way from the Arc de Triomphe to the trash bags of the Taco Bell by the closed mall in The Dino.

I also thought about reaching out to my associates at Yellow Crayon and having them make some “I got blocked on Twitter by the ‘Peckers, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt (that I had to pay for)” attire. Sure, it will not sell as well as the “Fear the Wood! Respect the Pecker” logos, but nothing really will because that was pure genius. Hell Hath No Fury Like a California Leaguer scorned, and Wee Willie Winkie with a candlestick will be dancing in front of Segra Stadium long after I am gone. I started to think, “Hey, I have been blocked on Twitter by better organizations than the “Peckers, but then I remembered I have only been blocked by radical trolls and Russian bots, except for Mikel Jollet of the Airborne Toxic Event because he became mad at me years ago when I suggested he was a fat, old man who should get his ass off Twitter and record a new record. He still has not put out that new album, although it is supposedly coming out soon.

I then began to wonder how I will get my ‘Pecker in game updates on my mobile devices now that I am blocked. We all know MiLB’s First Pitch is complete ass, and I have an emotional investment in this team, plus the culminating games of the Wood Cup are coming up with the ‘Peckers’ playoff chances in the balance. In case you haven not noticed, the fortune of your team turned around once I visited your stadium. I have that effect because I am kind of a big deal, and often just my mere presence inspires those around me to reach deep inside to do better. You guys certainly were not talking playoffs when I was there. I am not sure I would jeopardize that by callously throwing me away like a grease soaked Egg McMuffin wrapper.

As I went to bed I started to wonder if it were you who pulled the plug, or a higher up that had grown tired of the torrid relationship. Lord knows the Astros have been having a bit of brain drain lately, so who knows what lurks in the hearts of those whose primary office dress are polos and khakis. I then wondered if any of you guys had been called into an office and been given that talk that every minor league executive dreads, the one about being reassigned to Davenport, Iowa or Troy, New York, and then thought maybe I would put the entire Carolina League on time out except for the Wood Ducks and maybe the Salem Beer Mongers.

I sure hope your organization reconsiders this twitter ban on one of the minor league’s greatest ambassadors. I am sure other execs around the league would find this quite amusing. It is not like I am going anywhere. Letters still need to be written, advice given, and parks visited. My good buddy Wade Howell [Vice President; Down East Wood Ducks and Hickory Crawdads] once told me, “It is better that you write to us than about us.”

Still your friend in baseball,

Bads85

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s