I Thank The Pecker Gang

Dear Austin Schwartz [Vice President, Sales and Marketing; Fayetteville Woodpeckers], Ben Hughes [Manager, Marketing and Communications], and Elizabeth Adams {Account Executive, Ticketing}:

I would like to sincerely thank all three of you for taking the time to greatly enhance my family’s fan experience at the Woodpecker’s game on Wednesday this week. As you know, the nature of the business has me traveling to many parks throughout the land, and your park was one of our most pleasurable visits.

I knew our visit to Segra Stadium was going to be a pleasurable experience right after I saw Mark Zarther [President, Fayetteville Woodpeckers] greeting people at the front gate after they were lovingly patted down at the security checkpoint. Mr. Zarther is much taller than he comes across in press pictures, but more importantly, he conveys a sense of warmth that fans can immediately sense. He exerts a presence that is almost as impressive as Joe Hudson’s {General Manager of the Inland Empire 66ers]. Almost.

There are many other fine things about your stadium, including your magnificent outfield bar, Healey’s. However, since I have been to an entire eight innings at your stadium, I am more than qualified to discuss possible improvement because as you know, my mission is to improve fan experience all over the minor league baseball landscape. Here are my suggestions:

  1. Lower beer prices. Yes, I say that everywhere, but beer is too expensive across the land. Did you know that in Bavaria, beer is cheaper than soda and water? I know this because I was there recently.
  2. Ceiling fans in the concourse. North Carolina is extremely hot in the summer. Get that air circulating before we all swelter and die.
  3. The area between third base and the left field foul pole is bare ass naked and gives the stadium an unfinished feel. Put some temporary banners over there to fill the space before you can commission statues (I give your organization to use a likeness of me). And put in some taco trucks – everyone loves those.
  4. Offer VIP Bloggers luxury box access if they travel over 2000 miles to visit your stadium.

Other than that, keep doing what you are doing. Your scoreboard is crisp and contains pertinent stats and player bios. Your staff is great. I cannot wait to see you guys again tonight.

Your friend in baseball,


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