Happy Beer Monger Day!

Dear Allen Lawrence [Interim General Manager; Salem Beer Mongers]:

The historic day is finally here as the Beer Monger Dude rises to take his place on the pantheon of all time great minor league figures. The fact that he remains unnamed only adds to his mystique at this point in his ascension, but a few weeks down the road, it is going to be rather awkward if he does not have a name. People will start referring to him as, “DMD” or “Lumpy”. I am sure your best minds are on this, but if they need any help, I have some time this week to offer my services because the Inland Empire 66ers are on the road.

Congratulations on a very successful Education Day yesterday – 4,200+ in attendance. In comparison, the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes only drew 1,873 to their Education Day this week, despite being in a large metropolitan area. This is what happens when on organization schedules an Education Day right in the middle of the state testing window. If only they had reached out to local schools to inquire about these simple details rather than insulate themselves in their aura of self importance. Obviously, they spent too much time worshiping under their little 2018 California League of the Year plaque.

But enough with the negative on such a glorious day. Tonight ushers in a new era at Haley Toyota Field at Salem Memorial Ballpark. I broke down and purchased a Beer Monger shirt just now for the occasion. Obviously it will not be here by tonight’s Thirsty Thursday at the 66ers, but I plan on wearing it in Europe this summer when I am in the Alps. I am sure the Swiss will adore it, especially if I yodel.

Hey, are you bringing Beer Monger Dude to life in mascot form, or is he just going to be a two dimensional logo on merchandise? I know mascot costumes are really expensive because of the society we live in these days, but perhaps the local breweries can do the right and spring for the costume. Think of the revenues from renting out the Beer Monger Dude to parties! Every major social event in Roanoke will desire a Beer Monger Dude appearance. Or maybe putting the Beer Monger Dude in a mascot costume cheapens him. Perhaps the legend deserves better.

Break a keg tonight!

Your friend in baseball,


PS: What is the best rib joint in Roanoke?

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