Dear Austin Schwartz [Fayettevile Peckerwoods Vice President, Sales & Marketing]:
Real quick question because you are a busy man. What is the status of handicapped stalls in your new stadium? And what is the North Carolina law about people using them? I have a handicapped placard on my vehicle because of a family member. In California, this means by law, I can defecate wherever I want (well, in terms of stalls — using the bushes is frowned upon. That really doesn’t stop my editor, Joe Bivens though). Speaking of editors, I again apologize for any typos in previous missives. Bivens is involved his own contract dispute right now, and I just can’t pay him what he desires until I get some final numbers from GM Joe of the Inland Empire 66ers. My proofreading eyes are shot because of decades of grading student compositions.
Also, is there going to be a bar in your new stadium? With say, Fireball? Tequila?
Thanks in advance for your answers.
Your friend in baseball,
PS: We are another day closer to Opening Night. I am almost experiencing butterflies. Or maybe it is something I ate.