From The Cactus League

So yesterday in the Cactus League things got a little chippy between Angels’ fans and Royals’ fans, mainly because Royals’ fans were acting like entitled jerks. Their team win one World Championship, and the fan base flocks to Arizona for spring training, forgetting that their all tile great player is most famous for hemorrhoids and pine tar. The Angels don’t really have an all time great players, so no ice breakers there!

Some dude in front of me was wearing a crown and blue cape even though it was DESERT HOT. Someone shouted, “Sit down, Gandalf!” He replied Gandalf wears white. Technically, he was correct. At least he wasn’t rude like many of his fellow brethren. One Royals’ mom was moaning about having to wait in the concession line, as if we were supposed to get out of her way. An Orange County housewife turned to her and said, “Honey, you’d probably be much happier if your husband paid for a lift.”

Around the seventh inning, things started to get particularly nasty because beer had been flowing. Just as things were about to GET PHYSICAL, so dude in a Toronto Blue Jays’ fan jersey walked by – a dark blue Donaldson one, which is a violation of at least three Cactus League taboos. As much as I wanted to see a RUMBLE, I could not avoid a peacemaking opportunity.

“Look, everyone,” I shouted. “A Canadian Snowbird! Them’s good eats! Let’s throw him on a spit!” This brought laughter from the blood thirsty crowd, and tension was released. The Blue Jays’ fan was bewildered, so I said, “Tell us how the 2016 NBA All Star Weekend was the greatest of the modern era!”

“It wasn’t,” he stammered. “What the hell is wrong with you?”