The Cleveland Indians dropped their first Spring Training game today, meaning there will be six more weeks of winter in Cleveland, another losing season for the Tribe, and no economic recovery in the city for at least another seven years. Mayor Frank G. Jackson shrugged his shoulders and said, “That certainly wasn’t unexpected. That is what we do here. The NFL Draft is less than two months away. It is this town’s only salvation.”
Many Clevelanders were not a resigned as the mayor. “This is some bullshit, man,” said Kevin O’Leary at the West Side Irish Club. “I pay my taxes, clothe my kids in Indians gear, and for what? When is this team ever going to give something back? And they wonder why I haven’t gone to a game since 2004! Thank God the NFL draft is almost here. I think this is the year we finally get a QB!”
“This was supposed to be our year!” cried Tom Bankowski. “A new Public Square, and Parmatown Mall is going be converted into open air shopping. Open air shopping in Northeast Ohio! What a concept. The Indians could not even hold up their end of the bargain. All they had to do was beat the Reds today to give us some hope. The Reds! They are practically a AAA team these days. With Shapiro gone, the path to redemption – hey, is that a mock draft sheet you have in your hand?”
Dead Religions 