I had a dream in which Rangers signed Prince Fielder, then cloned Fielder multiple times, then traded the clones. The Indians received the retard Michael Keaton version for Drew Pomeranz. I woke up in a cold sweat, then felt relief when I realized Antonetti would never would agree to a trade like that. Relief turned to despair when I realized Ubaldo Jimenez would be on the Indians next year.
Last night was epic at the bar. It will be forever known as “The Great Sundae Adventure.” Li’l Bobby was making derogatory remarks about my sexuality because I suggested we have the Country Club deliver us some banana splits while we were waiting for the undercards to finish. What is the point of living on and being in the club if you can’t take advantage of the little things? Before any of you wisenheimers say, “Ah, two dudes, alone under the stars, sharing a delicious sweet”, we weren’t alone. I had the fight at my house, when the guests left, my wife started firing midgets from cannons. If I impregnated my wife, I am going to name the son Cain Marko.
No Browns game at the bar today. My brother messed up my illegal DTV box, and I can’t very well call to complain. This will probably be a blessing as the Rams/Browns matchup is the worst in the history of football.
Browns’ highlight! A Dawson FG! Four seconds on the Red Zone!
Steelers opening up some whoop ass on the Bengals. The Bengals’ Cinderella story is turning into a pumpkin, and pumpkins rot in Novemeber.
Browns back on Red Zone. Unfortunately, it is the Browns defense on the screen.
Bengals coming back on an awesome TD pass by Dalton. Colt McCoy couldn’t do that, especially since he has receivers who can’t jump. Fouts is rambling about rookies having to learn to play with pain. Hey, Dan, Green got crushed beause his QB left him hanging. Cut him some slack.
The Broncos are refusing to let Tim Tebow pass, meaning my decision to start Eric Decker was mad genius.
Browns back on the Red Zone! INT Browns defense. Playoff hopes are resurgent.
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders chest shots never grow old. No wonder the terrorists hate us so.
Browns in the red zone. It looks like Seneca Wallace is in! Alas, only as a WR, and the Browns settle for a FG. Why must Wallace be McCoy’s Paul McDonald?
Not having the Browns on is surprisingly refreshing. I should have done this years ago. Browns’s defense is on the Red Zone. Guess what that means? The Browns are flexing their muscle in the race for Luck.
And the Browns respond with a FG because that is just the way they roll.
Marv Albert is having voice spasms. Someone should just put him to sleep.
This Broncos/Chiefs game looks brutal in terms of being boring. A little razzle dazzle with the play action pass from Cassell injects some life into a dead game.
Browns highlight alert: Bradford out, then back in. Shots!
Bengals tie it. Cinderella, that saucy wench, is back.
Colt McCoy was briefly on the Red Zone, but then disappeared. Looks like a punt.
Vodka does cleanse the palette of the taste of peas.
Steelers driving. Cinderella, in her party dress, is looking for a nightgown.
3:52 left in the third quarter, and Tebow completes his first pass.
Poor, poor Buffalo Bills.
Browns back on the Red Zone. Another FG; the Browns lead 12-9. The fans must be going crazy.
Rex Grossman is alive! Well, he was until that pick in the Red Zone.
Andy Dalton is so much better than Colt McCoy. I hope he gets arrested soon — for killing a whore in Newport.
Curtis Painter beneched. How the mighty have fallen.
McCoy getting sacked on the Red Zone. Was it really necessary to show that?
Browns defense almost pick one off, then Cribbs fumbles the punt. Nice. A loss here is very important for the future of the Browns. Browns sack Brafford. What are they thinking? The future is now!
If there is no NBA season, do the Cavs get those draft picks back?
Dalton throws a pick; the cool and collected McCoy drives his team to a go ahead score. But wiat– a bad snap leads to a missed chip shot, so the Browns don’t take the lead after all. Suddenly, the future is saved. They would have scored too quickly anyway. Shots!
Dead Religions 
The good news: Both Browns 1st round picks got better today. Can they suck enough for Luck? Do they want to?
Two QB questions for long-suffering Browns fans:
1) Would a rookie-year Tim Couch be doing better with the current team than Colt McCoy is doing?
2) Since the departure of the much-maligned Mike Phipps before the ’77 season, how many Browns QBs have been better than him?
1) A toss up. Couch had no offensive line.Couch was sacked 56 times that year. However, going into today’s game, McCoy didn’t have a WR with over 300 yds receiving.
2) All of them besides Spergon Wynn,
1) No, I mean take a rookie-year, and by that I mean not ever injured, Couch and, through the magic of a sports fan’s imagination, put him on this year’s Browns. Does he do better than McCoy?
2) While it is certain that Phipps greatest contribution to the Browns was being the player traded to get the pick that brought Ozzie Newsome to Cleveland, he was not that bad of a QB. I would take him over any of the Browns v2.0 QBs, except for Couch. And, so far as I can recall, Phipps never cried.