1) The Indians traded for Derek Lowe because:
A) 39 year old pitchers who have recently illustrated three years of decline are a good bet to bounce back
B) The Indians infield defense is horrible, so a groundball pitcher will give them the practice they need
C) Since the city is deserted, drag racing is now safe in Cleveland
D) Chris Antonetti, a true idiot, hopped into his little row boat to beat on, boat against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
2) The Indians exercised Fausto Carmona opition because:
A) 7 million to pay for a near replacement level pitcher is the new market ineffeciency
B) He has to get better; he just has to!
C) He will have Derek Lowe as a mentor
D) Chris Antonetti, a true idiot, hopped into his little row boat to beat on, boat against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
3) The Indians did not exercise Grady Sizemore’s option because:
A) Larry Dolan finally outgrew his man crush of Grady
B) The Big Hairs in Cleveland now love Jason Kipnis
C) Blind squirrels, broken clocks, etc.
D) Chris Antonetti, a true idiot, hopped into his little row boat, and it mercifully sank.
4) Tony La Russa retired because:
A) Derek Lowe needs someone to ride shot gun while drag racing drunk
B) Albert Pujols wants to be be player manager
C) The guilt of his complicty with steroids was keeping him awake at night
D) when he and Mark McGwire accidentally touched, the honesty was too much
Dead Religions 
This quiz was freaking hilarious.
I suspect the reason Antonetti blew millions on Lowe is because Dennis Martinez couldnt be reached by cell phone
When he announced the trade, Antonetti used the word ‘durability’ or ‘durable’ several times. This means that Lowe will be injured before May 1 and will spend the rest of the season on and off the DL.
More Antonetti quotes: “Jog yer memory. We’re the same braintrust who brought you Nobaldo. Who were you expecting? You got Lowe. Be happy. We almost got you Lowe’s teammate on the 91 Expos, Jeff Fassero.”