Li’l Bobby, the Beloved Nephew (Raul), and I just returned home from a minor league game in Old Berdoo. The running topic of conversation was that if I had a Twitter account, the entire world could know instantly of our hilarity. I am suspicious of that type of technology, but these eggheads think it would be a swell idea to get our reality TV show rolling.
Highlights of game in Berdoo: Bobby took my son on a bathroom run. While in the public bathroom, a mentally challenged adult shat himself while his pants were at his ankles at a stand up urinal. Later when trying to re-tell the story, my boy said, “Dad, what do you call a guy with those funny, crossed eyes, and bad teeth? Oh, wait, I remember — somebody from Pittsburgh!”
Bobby just noted that the Vikings coach has no eybrows. How can you have the respect of your team if you have no eyebrows?
Red Lobster commercial on — Bobby doesn’t understand why I hate Red Lobster — Bobby was raised on beens, tortillas, and butter. “We didn’t have microwaves, so we warmed the tortillas on a skillet while throwing some butter on them. When we were really good, Mom put bologna on them — we called them roll-ups.” Forty-five minute debate between Raul, Bobby, and my wife about who grew up the poorest (all were upper middle class).
Raul just said Jamaal Wilkes can type faster than me.
Jamal(spelled T-R-A-V-I-S) Witherspoon made his High A debut at Berdoo. He smashed a HR in his first plate appearance, so we thought he might be good. He isn’t.
Brady Quinn must hate being behind Tim Tebow on the Broncos’ depth chart.
What is up with A.J Burnett’s hair? It is more fucked up than Fernando Rodney’s hat.
We think Raul has a fat fetish. He has photos of fat women from the game on his phone. His defense is “You’ve never been to Sea World and taken pictures of Shamoo?” Raul is now trying to argue that sleeping with a fat chick is the same thing as masturbating to a fat chick (it most certainly isn’t). Now he is saying that you aren’t a real man unless you slept with a midget. Bobby just told a story about bringing Chewbacca home. 45 minutes later, I am pretty sure Raul has slept with trannies.