Kosuke Fukudome, the chosen savior of Indian’s GM Chris Antonetti, had a bad inaugural game with the Tribe, going 0-4 while stranding runners with every plate appearance. “I will get better,” said Fukudome through an interpreter. “I will adjust to the smell of industrial ruin that permeates this city, plus the runners on base confused me. That didn’t happen very much in Chicago, where I hit .311/.516/.467 with RISP this year. However, I only had 66 plate appearance with RISP and was walked 21 times. I only had 103 plate apperance with any runners on (228th in the majors) and was walked 28 times.
I understand that unlike Chicago, this city does not tolerate losers. However, I must ask,’Is my new manager touched?’ I don’t have much power, but he put me in the six spot last night. I have a much better OBP than Michael Brantley, who batted leadoff. .374 is a much larger number than .329. Did my new manager not take math in school? And why did the worst hitter on the team bat fifth? Why did our pitcher throw at that guy’s head? American League is so crazy!”
Despite the thrashing and Fukudome’s poor performance, Chris Antonetti was upbeat after the game. “Jesus H. Christ didn’t make it to Calvary without a few missteps. What if everyone would have given up on him at the Third Station of the Cross? I suppose Easter services wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass, but greatness would never had been achieved. Stay the course, people; Scripture is on our side!”
Dead Religions 