Dear Adam [Director of Promotions, IE 66ers]:
Check out this sexiness in Frisco. Something like this needs to be built at San Manuel Stadium. I say the hell with the lazy river concept though; lets just jump right to the firehoses. Let’s face it, many of the 66ers’ fans are in dire need of a bath. A pool or a lazy river is just going to create a massive oil slick that will burn for days if touched by an open flame. It will be the Cuyahoga all over again.
I know you are thinking, “Hey Bads85, we are in the middle of a drought, and El Nino is nothing more that El Ninito. We can’t turn firehoses on people; that is a terrible waste of water, plus the human rights activists will be all up our ass.” May I suggest gentler, kinder firehoses like something one might find in a car wash? In fact, we can even use modern car wash technology to reclaim the water. In fact, why don’t we just build a car wash in left field, and run the unwashed through on open sleds? We can promote it as a amusement park ride, and presto, we do out part for a cleaner and shinier San Bernardino. On off days, we can run hobos through there because we are all abut making the community better.
Your friend in baseball,