The music stopped for the Cleveland Indians Sunday, leaving only the sound of Eric Wedge’s insane cackling as his team laid down for the the Chicago White Sox this weekend, allowing them to move past the Tribe in the standings. Wedge’s Mariners only scored five runs this weekend after scoring twenty-nine against the Tribe in their series. “Look, the Indians are going to die on their own,” said a smug Wedge, “but if any suffering we can add to that death makes my heart swell with pride. Mark my words, as I long as I breathe, the Indians will never make the post season. The Curse of Colavito will look like Club Med compared to the Curse of the Wedge.”
“This is a major setback for us,” said owner Larry Dolan. “Our promotion to dangle playoff tickets as a ruse to convince people to drop a down payment for next year’s season tickets is now dead in the water. Jim Thome is only going to put seats in the stands for a short time. This means more Dollar Dog Nights, and people are getting wise to that. Those dogs suck. Stadium Mustard only masks so much. Maybe we could have an Andre Ethier Bobblehead night to trick people in thinking that we have an interest in bringing him here.”
Dead Religions 
Meanwhile, Chris Antonetti was quoted as saying, “Tell them I’m not here. Tell them I’m not available!”