Mariners’ Eric Wedge successfully completed his scorched earth campaign on the Cleveland Indians playoff chances on Wednesday as Seattle trashed the Indians, pushing the Tribe under .500. “My aim, then, was to whip the Tribe, to humble their pride, to follow them to their inmost recesses, and make them fear and dread us,” said a glorious Wedge. “Fear is the beginning of wisdom. I am William Tecumseh Sherman, and today I taught the city of Cleveland that war is hell. The toxic waste I set afire this week will burn for decades. The mayor won’t be bowling for a long time.”
“I took a shitload of grief in this town about my infatuation with Casey Blake’s beard,” continued Wedge. “The homophobes went as far to say I lusted after Casey. My fascination with Blake’s beard had to do with is General Sherman like. Brokeback Mountain, my ass. When I looked at Casey, I only saw Kennesaw Mountain.”
Cleveland Indians manager Manny Acta was surprisingly upbeat after the thrashing. “Not that the dying is done, we can get on with the business of living.”
Dead Religions 
The Indians’ marketing department has to be a depressing place to work right now. The only thing that keeps them going is their shared hatred of Antonetti, LaPorta, and Cleveland weather.
Originally commented under the wrong article, but just a reminder that Sherman got his ass handed to him at Kennesaw Mountain.
Well, that is what Southerners like to tell themselves.