The Cleveland Indians had more hits tonight (18) than points the 2010 Cleveland Browns averaged per game (16.9). The Indians ten runs even surpassed the peak of the Browns’ penalties per game (7.1) in the Romeo Crennel era.
While Indians’ fans are certainly aglow with Jason Kipnis’s monster performance, The Savior, Kosuke Fukudome, went three for five with two doubles. “I think I am finally transitioning to this city,” Fukudome said through a translator. “In Chicago, the fans were drunk and happy. Here, the fans are drunk and angry. Even the empty seats seem very mad. However, the way the fans have embraced Kipness has inspired me. Their clever play of words on LeBron James’ old marketing slogan (We are all Kipnesses!) illustrates they can carry a torch long after the love is gone. Sure, LeBron is gone, but underneath all that bluster, they just can’t let go. They unwittingly show him homage by slapping his old slogan on their new hero. Unrequited love is a beautiful human trait, thus the people of Cleveland are beautiful. I can only hope one day that I will be an object of their affections.”
Dead Religions 
Evidently the love is not flowing between the shortstop and the occasional first baseman/catcher. Tonight, Santana’s iron mitt may have cost the Tribe a win.