Albert Pujols Fleece Blanket Giveaway tonight – on the hottest day of the year. Even the cacti are pissed today. Golf Bum isn’t even wearing a sports coat. Air quality is not too good tonight because Rancho is still burning – no Quakes tonight though as Lake Elsinore is in town.
Of the thirty billboards plastered on the outfield walks, only appear to be businesses based in San Bernardino. Poor, poor San Bernardino – literally.
I am sporting the Old School 66er Beer shirt tonight because Beer is this fan base’s favorite player. Perhaps this is the night I purchase the Beer shirt with the new logo – I damn well won’t shoplift it because I learned my lesson from Josh. Those cashiers have eagle eyes.
The tent is back on the right field pavilion. There is quite a bit of meat cooking out there tonight. – -a rather large party I out there, and I believe it’s a bunch of “Before” pictures for Jenny Craig. How many chickens had to die to feed that bunch?
And I have a stat sheet. Things are right again in my world – and the Mad Hatter is gone, and the regular microphone dude is back.
The stat sheet informs me that Rolando Gomez has been released. It’s a tragedy to see the dream is over! I never will forget the day we met. Girl, I’m going to miss you!
Dude on the PA system is singing about 24 tallboys on the chill. My daughter informs me the name of this song is “Parking Lot Party.” Uh, we are inside the stadium.
Two of the Hags have arrived with grandkids in tow. Perhaps I should come up with a more benevolent name for these ladies. Maybe not – one just flashed her teeth as she was spraying OFF on herself. I bet by the end of the game she will be spaying that bug repellant in her beer.
Four groundskeepers on the hose because they are professionals, dammit!
I want an IE Logo hat, but they only come in black. Marketing fail. I am not going to wear a black hat in the heat.
The Firm is on the PA now. Satisfaction Guaranteed indeed. I sense we are on the cusp of something EPIC tonight. Uh oh – the Yucaipa Little League is here tonight – little Nazis are the worst, and there is going to be a parade – the Nazis are having a Pack The Park Night – Pack the Park with Nazis!
The dude next to me, Blake, is wearing a Juniper Hammerhead hat — I need to get he bus rolling to Florida PRONTO. Man, that is a cool hat.
Duanel Jones is the strikeout batter of the game.
Here comes the 66er Dance Team in their wholesome high school cheerleader outfits. Once the sun goes down, the sultry will come out.
One month into the season, the regulars of Section 102 are staring to do bonding thing. Fortunately, this sectioned is battle hardened (unlike those pussies in 103) – these people are like Fox Hole Buddies. It is a good thing because Section 104 is nothing but Vatos.
We do have a swath of corporate seats in our section – — seats purchased by Toyota and Pepsi and given to clients. We call those patrons New Meat.
Mr. Clean is here in 102 tonight — that bald fucker would probably bite the heads off chickens if he went off his meds. Since he is on his meds, he is on his second hot dog.
Mark Shannon just got called up from Burlington. The Hags are ogling him, those saucy wenches.
Casey Kelley is making a rehab start for the Storm – Carlos Quentin is here also. Zach Grienke says hi, Carlos.
First pitch temperature is 87 degrees. The stadium is filling up.
The Faithful are all over Blue by the second batter. The drinking must have started early.
Quentin fans – strike him out; throw him out DP. GLORY
Big Weenie Race — Willie (Green) wins. I am not really sure how I am supposed to feel about that.
LB snags a foul ball in the bottom of the first. The lad is a HAWK.
Sound the Horn! Kelley is fooling nobody. Even the outs are being crushed.
Wine on the Rocks from Barefoot Refresh – the Hags are shooting it.
Woody Woodpecker laugh for the Storm cleanup hitter who fans.
Tyler DeLoach is dealing for the 66ers. It is almost time to start calling him “Nuke”. Oops, consecutive double -– better hold off on the nicknames.
Roll out the barrel – Strikeout Batter is up. Jones ropes a single. DeLoach is getting smacked around now. CARNAGE.
DeLoach nails a guy in the head with 88 MPH. Nuke! Hit the mascot next!
Cal Towey at the plate – so close to being a cool name, but yet so far.
Tequila! Crowd is getting raucous – there is an energy in the air. Or perhaps everyone is liquored up. The Yucaipa Nazis are probably firing up some ovens.
Kat wins the Lion Roar with deadpan, bored sarcasm. She better get a good prize. Her dinner bill was outrageous tonight. She won an Animal Crackers T-shirt? Are you kidding me?
I broke down and bought the IE hat because I am a consumer, plus I decided I would only wear it at night. There was a little trouble finishing the transaction as the 66ers do not take Union Oil gas cards.
Shannon with an inside the park HR! GLORY! Sound the Horn! Well, there will a couple of errors on the play, so it won’t go in the books as a HR, but it is in spirit.
The Double Double batter bunts. Hey Asshole; In and Out is on the line!
What is a soccer scarf? The 66ers are giving them away on May 30th.
Quentin is 0-3. The crowd is piling it on him. Rehab can be hard.
Diego Goris is up, and the PA plays the “Go, Diego, Go” song. I thought I would never have to hear that damn song again. Diego hits a three run bomb.
The Dance team has shed some clothes. Still not quite to sultry yet.
Bang bang play at second leads to Hocking For President. Fans sarcastically scream for instant replay. But Herr Selig says baseball has never been more popular!
The little kid in the mascot race was fast and was determined to get to the real home plate. He almost pulled it off. The photographer snagged him. Get used to it, kid – THE MAN will always try to keep you down.
The new courthouse lights are on because justice never sleeps. The Ghetto Bird streaks across the sky because crime never sleeps either. And here come the sirens. Get the coroner out of bed because he does sleep.
A fat couple in 104 is making out something fierce. Love is in the air! Security is moving in. The lady is indignant. Her freak has been interrupted. The heckling starts; she flips the bird.
Rally Man and Promo Girl are the new sensation. I don’t believe Promo Girl is wearing a bra under that Morphsuit. I wonder if she is trying to seduce Rally Man.
The game ends with a 66er loss, but more importantly, where was the Dance Girls final routine? Sultry denied!
Dead Religions 